You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
