i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
are you so shy because you have an std?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
