she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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