I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
