she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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