Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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