Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
