New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
