I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
