Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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