Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
