I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
