something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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