I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
