susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
