Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
