You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize