Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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