I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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