I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
