i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
