i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
