Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
