I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
