also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
