we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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