I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
