Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
