trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
