I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize