I'm lost and stupid without you.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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