Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
