I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
