Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
