Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
