I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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