If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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