I'm lost and stupid without you.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you win again, gameday.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
