Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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