Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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