3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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