we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
