matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
