It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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