i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
