he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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