There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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