This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
