Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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