Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
