the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
