I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
