ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize