you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
