My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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