So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
