She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We need a shit load of segways right now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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