Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
