I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
