They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
