I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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