Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
