you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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