Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
