the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
